Rantings of a New Yorker

It’s true.  John Carpenter will be attached as one of the executive producers, so there is some hope, but, mostly, I’m disappointed.  I still watch Escape from New York and Escape from L.A. every few months and I don’t want to see it being remade.  Can’t Hollywood think of anything else to make other than the seemingly never-ending stream of remakes?

Gerard Butler, who recently starred in the craptacular 300, is set to play Snake Plissken.  Sorry pal.  They can repeat all they want that you are the next up and coming star but you will never be Snake Plissken.  With such shitty movies as Click, The Fast and the Furious, and I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer, Neal Moritz is set to screw up a classic.  A closer look at the movies he’s produced reveals sequel after sequal and very little quality.  Sorry, I can’t get excited about a classic being redone when it was perfect the first time.  Plus, where is Snake going to land his glider this time around?

Some folks have started a petition online to try and stop the madness, but, I’m afraid once Hollywood has its mind set, there is little we can do to change it.  It’s already been given the green light, a lead actor has been signed and it will soon be in production.

Hollywood has decided that remaking classics is the way to put out “A-list” movies when, in reality, all they are doing is shooting themselves in the foot.  People are sick of remakes and this is, in my opinion, why the movie theater experience is declining.  We’ve seen it all before, literally (see Psycho and Psycho).  Then again, remakes seem to make money so, until people just stop paying to see them, Hollywood is going to keep churning them out.

While I agree that the technology of today could make a remake look cool, I also don’t believe that all the new technology could make a better film.  Escape From New York is a gritty, dark film that doesn’t need to rely on much technology at all.  The charm of the original is the atmosphere and character of the setting.  Yes, it’s an action movie but things blowing up isn’t the point of Escape From New York.  Its story is the heart of the film, not the flashy F/X.  Of all the remakes out there, I see little point in remaking something that was great the first time around and is a classic film.

What they should be doing instead is making Escape From Earth, with Kurt Russell as Snake and John Carpenter directing.  Sure, it was an idea Carpenter had a long time ago and nothing came of it, but it could still be made and, at least, it’d be an interesting addition to the Escape From movies instead of a retread of the original.  There is no need for a remake but another Snake Plissken movie with Russell and Carpenter together would be great.

Hollywood has a horrible track record with remakes, including:

Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Planet of the Apes
The Wicker Man
The Pink Panther
The Omen
When a Stranger Calls
Assault on Precinct 13
Psycho
The Stepford Wives
The Hitcher
The Fog
War of the Worlds

The good remakes that are at least on the same level with the originals that I can think of are:

The Thing
King Kong 1976
The Poseidon Adventure
Ocean’s 11
The Fly
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Some people will say that I should wait until the movie is made and then complain about it sucking afterwards.  Well, I don’t want to see a remake.  Thus, I complain now.  Hollywood will not receive my money to see the remake and then complain.  If I pay to see the remake and then bitch, well, Hollywood won’t care because they already have my money.  I hope Hollywood proves me wrong and makes a great movie, but I won’t be holding my breath.

Kurt Russell is Snake Plissken.  Everyone else is second rate.  If you insist on remaking Escape From New York, sign up Kurt Russell.  He still looks the part.  He’s in shape.  And he’s the only Snake I’ll ever love.