Rantings of a New Yorker

This post originally started out as a letter to my nephew, however, these are practical tips that just about everyone could learn from. When you first move out on your own, you think that you know everything and there’s nothing anyone can teach you. This often leads to traps and pitfalls that could have been avoided if you had just been a little more patient and listened to someone who has been there and done that. So, here’s a few pitfalls that you can avoid, that is, if you take the time to read this.

Don’t Get a Roommate
I don’t care if you’ve been best friends forever and you trust them with your life. Don’t trust your friend and, worse, a stranger, with half your responsibilities. Many times, having a friend as a roommate ends the relationship because one person feels the other doesn’t pull their own weight. Your friend could also be a thief. I’ve been there and had plenty of things stolen, from my spare bed to my ATM card. Also, it doesn’t matter if your lease, phone bill, cable bill, etc., is in both your names. If it doesn’t get paid, it will be reported on both your credit reports. This means obtaining loans, such as one for that new car you want, are going to be more difficult and the interest rates will be higher.

Don’t Keep Balances on Your Credit Cards
My suggestion is to pay them off every month. Once you get into the “I can pay it over time” trap, you start buying things you don’t really need and, by the end of the month, you have a bill for $200 in charges, half of which you don’t even remember purchasing. You can also quickly run up a bill by purchasing food at restaurants. You won’t realize, until it’s too late, that you actually ate out twenty times last month. If you are forced to keep a balance, try to ensure you have a credit card with a low interest rate and ALWAYS pay more than the minimum. Paying the minimum only gives more money to the credit card company and takes you longer to get out of debt.

Sometimes, things happen and you’re forced to use the card when you normally wouldn’t. Make sure you understand the fine print. Don’t fall for the “no interest for six months” type cards because you will forget when six months is up and these cards often have gigantic interest rates attached to them. Also, never pay for a credit card. Yearly fees for credit cards are ridiculous and there is no need in this day and age to pay a fee for a credit card. Run away from these as quickly as you can.

Be Careful With Incense
Yes, lots of people like to burn incense and don’t actually smoke pot. Amazing, but true. Do not ever leave your incense unattended. I don’t care if you’re just running down the hall to pee or get the mail or going across the hall to talk to the pretty girl that lives there. Take the precaution to put it out and put it away before you leave. I once worked for a university police department and had to take inventory of an idiot’s room after he left his incense burning unattended. Now, he was a giant idiot because he left for two hours. In that two hours, the end of the incense ash fell off and didn’t fall into the tray like it was supposed to. Instead, the ash fell onto his makeshift table. It burned through his tablecloth and set the room on fire. He lived in the dorms so his room wasn’t the only one that was damaged. In all, he had a $150,000 bill, consisting of fire damage done to his room and two others, plus water damage to three other rooms and the hallway on his floor. So, for crying out loud, never leave this crap unattended unless you’re super rich and money is something you burn instead of incense.

Take Care of Lit Matches
Whenever you use matches, make sure that, after you blow the match out, you place it under some water before throwing it out. I knew a guy that always blew them out and tossed them in his garbage. Just because you blew it out and you can’t see the flame, doesn’t mean you’re safe. This guy set his garbage on fire and made a nice burn mark on his kitchen floor. Fortunately, he caught it in time and only had to pay to have the kitchen floor re-tiled. Oh, and he had to buy a new garbage can too. Don’t be an idiot. Take a few seconds and run that match under water.

Don’t Leave Money Laying Around
Leaving cash lying around the house is only an invitation to trouble. Put it away, out of sight of your company. You may trust your friends but, sometimes, they bring other friends over. Are you going to trust someone you don’t know? Keep your money where sticky fingers can’t get stuck to it.

Always Have Cab Fare
I have a $20 bill folded into fours in my wallet that I never touch. It’s for emergencies. Your version of what an emergency is varies from person to person but here’s a few that I have encountered. You go to a party with a friend who’s supposed to be the designated driver but has suddenly decided that they love the invention of the beer bong. Take your $20 and call yourself a cab. You go on a date and decide your date is really creepy and you need to leave for your own safety (If you’re a guy this probably doesn’t happen too often to you). Again, take the cash and call a cab. You go out with friends and you want to leave early but they want to stay. You’re out driving and your car breaks down. It’s best to whip out your cell phone and arrange for a ride home. Even if a friend gives you a lift, offer gas money for the time they gave up to come get your sorry ass, again.

Make Sure You Know How To Use Common Items As Weapons
Although this is more of a “girl” tip, it doesn’t hurt to know these things because, well, you never know when you need to use them. When walking to your car, have your keys ready before you get to the car. Pick a key and keep it out and between your fingers. It’s nice to jab into a mugger or rapist’s eyes if you get attacked. Also, if you’re far enough away, you can get in and drive off before something bad happens. Seconds count so keep your keys handy.

If you’re just walking down the street and don’t have keys, use your fingers to jab into the bad guy’s eyes. If you wear glasses, don’t worry about the replacement cost. Take the ear piece and jam it into an eye or ear. If you’re a girl and wearing heels, take them off and whack the bad guy with them. Then rip your stockings and run barefoot. Stockings tend to be slick and make you slide, making running difficult. Know where you are walking and what’s available to you as a defense. Thinks like broken branches, sticks, dirt, mud, etc., that are just lying around can be useful in times of danger.

Don’t always go for the crotch area right away. Guys will always protect this part. So, go for other sensitive places and run to a public place where you can get help. All these tips are designed for you to be able to incapacitate the bad guy long enough for you to run and get help. Remember, you can seriously injure someone with my tips so decide if some jail time is worth it. For me, it is.

Lock Your Car Door
Keep the doors locked at all times when you are in it. Carjackings can happen anywhere, at any time. If the door is locked, that moment the carjacker is confused is enough time for you to put your foot on the gas and get the hell out of there. If, for some reason, they do get your car, let them have it. Your life is not worth a car. Really, it’s not.

Check Under Your Car
When I was in college there were rumors of gangs slicing people’s tendons by hanging out under their cars and waiting for people to start getting in their cars and WHAM, off goes the tendon. Nasty! I think this might be an urban myth but, really, there are sickos out there that just might do this. Easiest thing to do, have your car keys ready and look under your car as you approach it. You can see under your car from at least fifteen feet away. Look under it!

Check In Your Car
Another story that’s a possibly urban myth but, again, do you really want to take the chance? Before you get into your car look into it, especially the back seat and the floor of the back seat. You never know what kind of freak is in there and it’s easier to get away from a nut in the back seat before you ever get into your car.