Rantings of a New Yorker

These are the ten things that have pissed me off today. This will probably change tomorrow as there’s always someone making me wish that things like running people over, smacking people, kicking people, gouging out eyes, etc. were legal instead of being forced to smile politely or only flipping someone off.

1) My next door neighbors. They’re pigs. They bag up their garbage and then do one of two things with it. First, they leave it sitting on the balcony that they share with me (Our townhouses all have shared balconies in the back.). They leave it there until the wind blows it off and the wild animals, which include raccoons, deer, skunks and rabbits, dig into it. I am then forced to clean up the mess or risk getting something worse, like mice and rats coming to my home. Second, if they don’t toss it on the balcony, they put it out on the ground by their front door and leave the bag for 3-6 days, at which time they take the bag, put it in their Jeep Liberty, drive the 100 feet to the dumpster, throw the bag on the ground, and drive back home.

2) My neighbors who are the laziest and dirtiest people I have ever seen. These are the people that drive to take out their garbage and then don’t put the garbage in the dumpster. They don’t put their recyclables in the proper bins. They just toss and hope for the best, which means everything is usually all over the neighborhood. These are the people that also clean out their cars by throwing the stuff out the window and where it lies is now the location for the garbage, until someone like me cleans it up.  And don’t bother the slum lord with this.  He’s got other things to do, like count his money.

3) The family that lives a half a mile from me. The parents, on a daily basis, will get their two high school aged daughters and put them in their Chevy Suburban, drive fifty feet to the end of their driveway, and idle their SUV until the school bus comes to pick the girls up.

4) Parents. At least the ones in my town. They have taken to complaining that walking ¼ mile for elementary students and ½ mile for junior and senior high students is too far and that the buses should pick everyone up at their house.

5) The people you wait behind in line at the airport who watch every single person take off their shoes, jackets, and empty their pockets but then get to the front of the line and are shocked or argumentative when asked to do the same thing. These people should be given “random” cavity searches.

6) People who use cell phones while they are driving. It’s illegal here but you can use a headset. No one does. Instead they drive like a drunken idiot 10-20 mph under the speed limit, swerving in and out of their lane. I’d like to shoot out their tires but I don’t own a gun and I don’t want to be someone’s girlfriend in prison.

7) People who get angry at you when you overhear their cell phone conversations. I say the public restroom is not the place to be talking about your aunt’s stripper job and the frozen food section of the supermarket is not the place to be telling people about your father’s colonoscopy.

Wal-Mart. I don’t shop there but they should be on everyone’s list. ‘Nuff said.

9) Yankee fans that can only reply with “26 Championships” to any argument. Yes, we all know this. Please shut up and return to the conversation when you can think of something logical, meaningful, or, hell, anything that makes sense. Baseball is a game of what have you done lately and you haven’t done it in six years.

10) People who can’t spell. No, not the occasional typo. The idiots who insist on using things like “U R KEWL” and who type like they speak, using “prolly” instead of probably and “sumit” instead of something.” You’re just plain lazy and I wish I could kick you for ruining the beauty of language.